The Christian life involves believing in Christ, but it also means believing something about ourselves (Hoekema, 1975). In the book, Who I am in Christ, Neil Anderson (2001) echoes this view saying:
The most important belief we possess is a true knowledge of who God is. The second most important belief is who we are as children of God, because we cannot consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with how we perceive ourselves. (p. 11)
When psychologists talk about the way an individual views him or herself, they often use the terms self-esteem or self-image. Self-esteem “refers to the individual’s personal judgment of his or her own worth (Michel, Shoda & Smith, 2004, p. 451). Self-image refers to “the self as the individual pictures or imagines it to be. The self-image may differ widely from the true self” (Chaplin, 1985, p. 415).
According to Christian psychologist, June Hunt, self-esteem has two aspects. The first aspect of self-esteem is an objective view of value. The second aspect of self-esteem according is an exaggerated view of one’s value.
1. Objective View of Self-Esteem
What does it mean to have an objective view of value with regard to self-esteem? It means a person realizes that he or she is a sinner and is in need of a Savior. It is based on the idea that worth is established or gained through Christ’s death (Hunt, 2008).
This first aspect of self-esteem for a Christian also includes humility. Isaiah 66:2 says, “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word” (New International Version). Anthony Hoekema (1975) expands this idea saying, “we are to see ourselves as new creatures in Christ, not just as depraved sinners…apart from Christ, we are sinners, but we are no longer apart from Christ” ( p.55). Believers are sinners who are being renewed and this newness should be embraced (Hoekema, 1975).
Leanne Payne explains this aspect as a process. She says that believers are becoming persons as they remain in Christ. They are becoming more complete, finished, and made whole (Payne, 1989). The new self is “focused on the word the Father is always sending, obedient to it; the new self is not in bondage to the voices the old self listened to, those that pull the soul towards death and non-being” (Payne, 1998, p. 55).
2. Exaggerated View of Self-Esteem
The second aspect of self-esteem according to Hunt is an exaggerated view of one’s value. This means that a person thinks that he or she is good enough to not need a Savior. This kind of self-esteem is what the Bible calls pride (Hunt, 2008). Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves”. According to Hoekema (1975):
The Christian self-image, when properly understood, is the very opposite of spiritual pride. It goes hand in hand with a deep conviction of sin and recognition that we are unworthy of the least of God’s blessings. It means glorying not in self but in Christ. (p.58)
Causes
According to Dan Allender (1990), struggling with a poor self-image or its counterpart, narcissistic grandiosity, is frequent for those who have suffered from an abusive past which may or may not have been sexual. Allender says, “The symptoms of a poor self-image are most often unseen and can only be inferred by observing a person as he or she relates to others” (p. 168). The self-image consists of messages received and internalized from others and from self-talk. Children do not have a choice about most influences but have more choice in associations as they get older. People can also learn to control self-talk and can change a distorted view of self so it becomes like God’s view (Hunt, 2008).
Solutions
How can people build self-esteem? According to Christian psychologists, Henry Cloud and John Townsend (2001), “the answer is never to get them to feel better about themselves. The ‘self esteem’ trip is a dead end. The answer is to have them feel connected to love” (p. 182). When people already feel connected and accepted, they do not have to try to make themselves feel good (Cloud, 2001).
According to Hunt there are seven steps for building self-esteem. The first step is to accept what God’s Word says about being made in His image (Gen.1:27). The second is to accept oneself as acceptable to Jesus Christ (Rom.15:7). The third is to accept what cannot be changed (Rom. 9:20-21). The fourth step is to accept one’s mistakes (Phil. 3:12). The fifth step is to accept criticism and responsibility for failure (Psalm 32:5). The sixth step is to realize that one will not be loved or liked by everyone (John 15:18, 20). The last step is to accept the unchangeable circumstances of life (Phil. 4:11).
Some practical advice to build self worth is: accept yourself (Prov.19:21); thank God for His encouragement (1 Thes. 2:16-17); accept the compliments of others (John 15:8); live in God’s forgiveness (1 John 3:2-3); benefit from mistakes (Rom. 8:28); form supportive positive relationships (Prov. 13:20); form realistic goals and plans (1Cor. 9:24); identify your heart’s desires (Psalm 37:4); plan for success (Psalm 20:4); and celebrate each accomplishment (Deut. 12:7) (Hunt, 2008).
The Bible has many answers for self-defeating thoughts about inadequacy (Phil. 4:13, 2 Cor. 9:8), weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), lack of love (Jer. 31:3), lack of forgiveness (Isa. 42:25), purpose in life (Jer. 1:5), and hopelessness (Jer. 29:11).
The Lord does not look at the things that man looks at.
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart
1 Samuel 16:7
